Please...RELEASE ME!

Barbraphiles rejoice!
On October 9th Barbra Streisand will RELEASE ME...

From the press release:

"Barbra Streisand's private music vault holds all the master tapes she's recorded for five decades. Now, she's sharing 11 previously unreleased songs, spanning a cross-section of her career from 1963 to the present.

In an unparalleled career, Streisand has released more than 60 albums. Many of the sessions for these albums yielded extra recordings, which weren't included on the albums they were intended for. They've all been stored in her vault until now. Over the past year, Barbra has painstakingly gone through the recordings to come up with this collection, Release Me.

Highlights include: "Didn't We" written by Jimmy Webb - recorded in 1970 for an unreleased album project titled The Singer; the standard "Willow Weep For Me" - an unreleased track recorded in 1967 for Simply Streisand, arranged by Ray Ellis noted for his legendary work with Billie Holiday; A striking version of Randy Newman's "I Think It's Going Rain Today," with Barbra on vocals and Newman on piano - from the 1971 Stoney End sessions; an unreleased studio version of "With One More Look At You" from A Star Is Born; Two tracks from the unreleased sequel to the acclaimed The Broadway Album, titled Back To Broadway - "Home" (from The Wiz) and "How Are Things In Glocca Morra? / Heather On The Hill" (from Finian s Rainbow / Brigadoon).

Reflecting on the album, Streisand noted, "The thing I'm happiest about is that I still have great affection for all these songs. They appealed to me at the time...and still do. Listening now, I actually think to myself, 'The girl wasn't half bad. "

With the exception of two songs where the original masters couldn't be located, all the tracks on Release Me were transferred from first generation master tapes. Every attention was paid to preserving the sonic perspective of the sessions as they were originally recorded and mixed."

The hardcore fans (including myself, of course) had been hoping for a larger collection, for we know what the archives hold! In fact there's a whole lot of kvetching going on about the brevity of an 11 track disc when we heard through 'sources' it was going to be a 3 disc set. I instead will bite my tongue and delight when it arrives. Besides you never know, we may see other volumes appear over time....

Here's a delicious glimpse for your ears...an unreleased recording from the Stoney End sessions (with Randy Newman on piano), which marked the beginning of my favorite "era of Barbra's voice". Enjoy!

Barbra Streisand "I Think It's Gonna Rain Today" from Columbia Records on Vimeo.

Barbra Streisand's Release Me: I Think It's Going To Rain Today from Columbia Records on Vimeo.
By the way, don't you absolutely love the paintings below and above? They're by the British artist Maxwell. Be sure to check out the rest of his stunning work which can be ordered directly through his hip and sassy website- just click on Barbra to visit!

MAXWELL

A Year Ago Yoday: Tumor Removal & A Lot Of Tea To Follow

by Teamgloria

oh darlings.
has it been a whole YEAR?
since we had our throat slit and tobias-and-his-sisters were removed?
gosh.

We recall the 4am wake-up call and standing outside in the dark shivering from fear and seeing the cheery presence of Cheltenham-Lady walking down the street as if she had just gone to the second-hand bookshop in Norfolk and found a delicious first edition and wanted to show us – she was brilliant – we tried to talk in the Taxi and stay bright and not fall apart and she kept us going – right to the bit at the hospital when they were going to check us in and we’d not known about American things like having-someone-as-an-emergency contact (we have one now) or someone who could make decisions should something awful happen (um, still working on that one) so that was all a bit scary.

The robe was nice – sort of lavender with Very Clever sensors and electrical circuits clipped to our vital organs and a heat pad to keep us warm while they Took Us Down (where exactly is that?).

William had sent us a 1970s Ladybird (yes, that English children’s classic line) book to explain what might Happen.

It wasn’t Exactly like that (the scrubs were blue as we recall, and the operating Theater – love that they call it that – was a Very High Tech “space” full of flashing lights and whirring noises and Many People) but it did help to be a bit prepared. Actually, to be Completely Honest for a second, nothing could have prepared us...and maybe that’s for the Best. Here is our hospital bed that we lay in for a day or so.

 

Usually we make-the-bed but we didn’t have the strength and besides – if you can picture this – it was right before we got Discharged (and had to have a Strong conversation with the Very Young resident – in mime and pencil-on-paper – because we could not speak due to the operation which got Awfully Close to our vocal chords and the Very Tight bandages around our neck) and we were standing holding the tubes still linking us to the drip (on a Not Attractive silver wheel-y pedestal) holding our (forbidden) smartphone device to take a picture.

oh!

We almost forgot we had this one – yes, these are the pumps on the legs that keep one’s blood flowing during HOURS of lying and the oxygen tube stuck up one’s nostrils (not nice) and the drip (saline by this point we believe as our brain had come back nicely – or not-so-nicely – more Dear gods What Just Happened??) in our arm.

Why thank you – yes – that was a nice light tan on the left knee (not just on the left knee, but obviously that’s all that’s showing here) – we’d just been in L.A – Quite Freaked out the week or so before. MC came the next day to visit with a lukewarm milky beverage and a copy of the FT Weekend (we weren’t working, promise, we just like the magazine and the lunch-with-column and the interview with writers about why-they-write).

Then Bf came to get us in his Car (we were very grateful and gosh Manhattan was a shock after the relative solitude of a hospital room) and stayed and made us laugh inside our OUCH bandages, and brought his dog who comforted us with her Huge Eyes. Sob.

and then what happened….?
Well – we stayed at home for almost a month.



Lovely people who lived not-too-far-away came to visit.



So Many Lovely people sent flowers.



...and we spent Many Hours lying on the sofa looking at them...



Listening to Lots of mix-tapes that delicious people sent to us – for every mood and hour and feeling (dear gods, there were Lots of Feelings during this medical leave).



And Many splendid people sent books and parcels and we started to unwind our poor stressed head for the first time in what felt like a decade.



We spent HOURS in bed – sleeplessness being a Distinct Feature of medical leave #sigh. Thank goodness for excellent cotton sheets, silk dressing gowns and Pots of Tea on a Tray.



We had never spent so much time in the bathroom (nausea – we won’t go into this in any detail whatsoever but it was horrid) and here we are – a year on – with a scar on the neck.

We were Most Grateful to T who peered at it and said (in her sparkly Fashion/British voice) "I rather like it."
The pearls help.

"There are a lot of glorious people, places & things that help me get through my day – they make my life great – and so I call them “team gloria” (although they don’t usually know that). So I thought I’d start documenting them, and looking out for new people, places & things on a daily basis, and sharing them with you (whomever you are – do say hello). Oh, and tell me who your team Gloria is. :) " 

She's a writer, photographer, and jet-setting fashionista- who understands the importance of a shimmering chandelier and a good cup of tea. You can get to know her (and see more of her gorgeous photos) by visiting Teamgloria in Manhattan. Yes darlings, that Manhattan. -Ed.

Quote, Unquote #16: Showing Up

"The way we show up for our lives today and tomorrow has an enormous affect on who we will be and what we will be experiencing years from now. If we can remain fully engaged in the day at hand, enjoying all it has to offer and putting our energy into making the most of it, we will find that we are perfectly ready and capable to handle any future when it arrives."

~ Madisyn Taylor

A Thing Of Beauty

“Beauty and seduction, I believe, are nature’s tools for survival, because we will protect what we fall in love with.”  Louie Scwartzberg

When Cherrie sent me a video titled The Beauty of Pollination a few months back, I filed it away in my "must pollinate" stash. And there it sat. This evening while indulging in my new addiction TED Talks, I stumbled across a couple of them by genius filmmaker Louie Schwartzberg. I was completely  blown away not only by his extraordinary technical skill, but the perspective from which he operates creatively.

Mr. Schwartzberg's notable career spans feature films, television shows, commercials and documentaries. He won two Clio Awards for TV advertising, including best environmental broadcast spot, an Emmy nomination for best cinematography and the Heartland Film Festival's Truly Moving Picture Award for the feature film “America’s Heart & Soul.” Schwartzberg founded Moving Art to use the power of media to inspire and entertain through television programming, DVD products, and full-length motion picture and IMAX films. His new film "Wings of Life" will be released by Disneynature.

"I've spent my life capturing beautiful images. And whether in wilderness or in the downtown of a giant city, I find connections, universal rhythms, patterns and beauty that I recognize as a part of me, a part of all of us that celebrates life. It's my great pleasure to share with you that energy which inspires me; this great visual beauty of our world."

You can clearly see the gratitude of which he speaks, as it shines through his lens in every frame of these gorgeous films. He's a Killer Bee for sure, just check out this clip. As the gentleman narrator of his film "Happiness Revealed" will tell you, "The only  appropriate response is gratefulness..."

Musical Treat Of The Week

The Wind & The Sun

By Ayesha Yousafi

I read this article from Al Jazeera: "Europe's Failure To Integrate Muslims" a few weeks back and found it really interesting.

My first thoughts after reading it were 'Thank God I'm British'- not because Britain's the home of peace and love and is a magical land where racism/stigmatisation/ignorance is non-existent (the BNP and EDL can vouch for that), but Britain is tolerant, for the most part anyway...

This article essentially talks about France's passing of the Assemblee Nationale bill, which is basically about reducing Islam's visibility within ethnic minorities across Europe, e.g. the anti-bruqa law passed in the Netherlands, headscarf restrictions in France and the German supreme court banning Muslim prayer in public schools.

I think one of the problems preventing Muslims from integrating into society is everyone's fear of  talking about things like the burqa, hijab, halal, haraam etc. and there's a lot of misconceptions, misunderstandings and misrepresentations about Islam and it's beliefs.

So, I thought I would try and clarify and explain a few things about Islamic teachings and practicings, cuz I read a lot of weird and crazy stories about supposed Muslim teachings and blah blah.

So first things first, let’s address this issue of Jihad, terrorism and Islamic extremists. 

OK, so Jihad basically means 'struggle' in Arabic.  Jihad can be subcategorised into the terms 'Greater Jihad' and 'Lesser Jihad'.  Greater Jihad refers to a persons everyday, internal struggle against temptations that may prevent a person practicing their faith as they should (like the devil whispering naughty, tempting things into your ear like 'eat that bucket of KFC.....it doesn't matter if it's not halal etc.).  Lesser Jihad refers to a Holy War, or a struggle where Islam is being defended.

Now if you hear practicing Muslims talking about jihad, they will be referring to 'greater jihad', but most of the western media use the term jihad in reference to something about bombings and what not.  Most Muslims will slap the palm of their hand in their face when hearing how the term Jihad is used, or mis-used, most of the time.  

So that's the distinction between the two Jihad's.

Now a lot of terrorists throw the word Jihad about to justify their actions and the stupid things they do.

Firstly, there's something you must know.  These so called 'Muslims' who go around bombing buildings full of innocent people and buses/cars/whatever else is bomb-able, are like the Hillbillies of the Muslim world (sorry Hillbillies, but references about you in American TV has led me to believe you are an embarrassing and weird bunch of peeps).  Don't let these stupid people tarnish your view on the rest of us REAL Muslims with enough sense to practice our faith correctly:

"On that account: We ordained for the Children of Israel that if any one slew a person it would be as if he slew the whole people: and if any one saved a life, it would be as if he saved the life of the whole people. Then although there came to them Our apostles with clear signs, yet, even after that, many of them continued to commit excesses in the land.  (The Noble Quran, 5:32)"

I could go on about this all day, but hopefully you'll get the message from that!

Then there's this big deal about burqa banning and hijab prohibitions in certain public places in countries like France, Denmark and the Netherlands etc.  

Now I think there's a tremendous irony in this ban, but before I talk about that, let me just define the difference between the different veils:

 In Islam, it's compulsory for a woman to wear a headscarf or Hijab.  Hijab's must be worn in front of men you are not related to, so basically, anyone who you can marry, so it does not have to be worn in front of the men of your family.

To explain it simply, the purpose of a Hijab is to stop ladies being checked out by guys! I could've worded it better by saying it's designed to protect a girls modesty, but basically, that's the reason, and only so that a woman will be judged on her personality, abilities and knowledge, as opposed to having physical appearance influence someone’s judgment of you.

(and when I say judge, I don't mean it like they have the right to tell you how and how not to live your life, but their opinions on you.  To quote one Tupac Shakur-'Only God can judge me')

I'm very aware at how cliche this sounds, but the idea of hijab is to tone down your outer beauty so your inner beauty can shine!

Sorry, cheesiness over now. 

So Hijab is compulsory, but niqaab and burka is not obligatory for Muslim women to wear, that's optional.  Now I wear a hijab, but I don't, and don't think I ever will wear a niqaab or burka, simply because I don't think it's necessary.  And it would be a crime against humanity to hide this beautiful face *bat's eyelids*. But, saying that, I've got no problems if a lady wants to wear a niqaab or burka.  A person should have the freedom to express themselves however they wish.

But, the fun-loving Taliban and other extremist leaders force ladies in areas in Afghanistan and Iraq (maybe Iran? not sure) to wear niqaabs and burkas.  A woman is publicly punished and humiliated if she doesn't conform to this ignorant ruling.  You cannot force someone to wear or do something against their will.  It's a oppression.

Oppression is also denying a woman of her freedom by banning her from wearing a niqaab or burka if she wants to wear one, and stop a woman from wearing a hijab in certain places, despite someone labeling it as liberation.

One thing I wonder about the Hijab ban in some bits of France is whether Sarkozy has done this just for Muslim women, or whether this ban extends to Christian Nuns as well, who essentially cover the same parts of their body as Muslim women who wear Hijabs!

Now hijab is, and always will be a controversial topic when talking about Muslim integration in western society.  I wear a Hijab, and I feel like I integrate into society just fine! I have friends that  belong to a variety of religions, or belong to no religion at all! And friends whose personal beliefs completely contrast with mine, but who gives a shit?  Will the fact that I wear a headscarf change your opinion of me and my blogs?

Black, White, Muslim, Jew, Christian, Atheist, Gay, Straight....we all bleed the same blood, we all breathe the same air, why can't we all just be tolerant of each others beliefs and agree to disagree!?

What kind of a world would it be if we all believed the same thing?  Would maybe be a bit more peaceful, but then again maybe not?

The article I mentioned above talks about an old fable by Aesop called 'The wind and the sun'.  It's basically about a man who is wearing a jacket, and how the harder the wind blew, the closer the man held on to his jacket- the harsher laws are in singling  out a specific group of people, the more closely and tightly they will hold on to their traditions and see you in a hostile light.  It was only when the sun with its warm rays increased the temperature created discomfit in the man, and he removed his coat- If a less hostile approach is taken, people will be more willing to accept and join in with what you are saying

Peace and Love, Ayesha

Ayesha Yousafi is a modern girl, living in a modern world. She recently completed her Bachelor's Degree of Science from Leeds University and resides in the UK with her family. She is also the publisher of the often humorous and always informative  Meow Meow.

Quote, Unquote #15: Meeting Needs

“God created us different, not so that we should be alienated from one another, but that we should know our need of one another.”

- Desmond Tutu

The Danger of A Single Story...

Our lives, our cultures, are composed of many overlapping stories. Novelist Chimamanda Adichie tells the story of how she found her authentic cultural voice- and warns that if we hear only a single story about another person or country, we risk a critical misunderstanding. Share your stories, listen to others. It's imperative.

Quote, Unquote #14: Hungry?

“You have to learn to get up from the table when love is no longer being served”

- Nina Simone

Power To The People

 "Voting at the Polls Isn’t Enough Anymore"
By David Todd

In this day and age, I cannot imagine the reasons people have for NOT voting in local and national elections (except for voting for President, maybe). Really? The most popular excuse I hear is that “I don’t follow politics and I wouldn’t know who anyone was or anything about them.” Allow me to help on this one…

Google: Voters Guide [insert your zip code here] or just Milwaukee. OK that one’s easy enough. Where to vote? League of Women’s Voters; Google them, too, and give them a call. They’re wonderfully helpful and tireless protectors of our freedoms. But, I digress.

As I say, it is NOT enough to vote only at the polls anymore – and THAT I already expect of you. Now, you need to start voting with your wallet. And you have to be a little vocal about it. (You know how badly you just wanted to break up with that one hair dresser and just tell them what for? But, you just kinda stopped calling? That won’t due, here.) No, you have to be obvious. You have to be honest (brutally honest) because you are teaching a lesson – the lesson: “I DO NOT vote for you… nor does my money, thank you.”

It has been one of my greatest joys, taking my business and money elsewhere, but it does take some work. How do you do it? Well, I will tell you how I did it… and why.

First, you need to know I was a victim/participant in “the crash.” I lost a small investment property to foreclosure after pro-actively calling my mortgage company six months before I knew I would have trouble paying the monthly payment to work on a loan modification. “Oh, thank you, Mr. Todd! Very responsible of you, Mr. Todd.” I bought it. They weren’t a bank. They weren’t a credit union. They were a debt collector who bought my loan and had no vested interest in helping me out of my situation. Fourteen months later, after reams of paperwork faxed back and forth, I called a lawyer and said, “make them go away.” It was the hardest thing I had ever done. I had never defaulted on a loan, didn’t want to start, but didn’t know where to turn. I cried, and then I got to the real work. That first step was the hardest.

After I turned my home over to a lawyer, I turned my credit cards over to a credit negotiator. I cannot say it was a positive experience, but I can tell you, I paid less than if I had not sought help, closed the accounts and took the credit hit. (Taking the credit hit is really hard for the “do-better-than-your-parents” generation. They saved money. We borrowed. Not me. Not anymore. No one will give me decent credit for seven years, which I am happy about.) Again, I digress. I told Capital One, Wells Fargo, Bank of America – “see ya!” It might be important to note, I kept current on all my monthly payments on all my accounts until I turned them over to professionals, so my car loan (BMW Financial) and main home loan (Guardian Credit Union) had been maintained and in good status; the only two creditors I have now. My next step is to move my car loan, to my credit union, and then pay it off!

Now, who else was taking advantage of my business, and taking advantage of consumers in general? Or, to take more personal ownership of the situation, to whom had I not paid attention to while “they” made money off of me? I still had a Chase checking account. I had great local customer service, as I had with Wells Fargo. But, I was either going to put up, or shut up. I closed checking accounts Chase and Wells), after speaking with the manager and explaining while I was pleased with my local services, I can’t support the corporate greed, bonuses, and lack of loaning money to the people who need it most (and at a reasonable rate). They understood. But, you MUST be vocal… if you just close your account they won’t know why. 

THIS IS YOUR VOTE AGAINST CORPORATE GREED.

Now, who else? AT&T and Time Warner were next. Both had services that were necessary to my work as a freelance writer and producer, so I just couldn’t NOT have service. But, I called both; explained I had been a long-time customer, and I didn’t feel like anyone should lose a customer without a chance to make it right. Both companies lowered my bills (they said to the best of their abilities, but I don’t know). I still feel I’m paying too much and by the time you read this, I will probably have dumped AT&T for Virgin Mobile wireless smartphone and mobile hotspot $50. I’ll save at least $25 a month.

I don’t shop at Walmart, I opt for locally-owned businesses (Ace Hardware or Menards, Sendik’s, Pick N Save, Outpost, Groppi’s just to name a few). That’s in investment in my local community and, ultimately, in my future. I also use an app published by the Human Rights Campaign that monitors larger retailers for their ethics (I linked the definition of ethics just in case you are unfamiliar – they are lacking these days). And, I don’t buy gas from BP.

VOTE! It takes extra work to plan where and with whom you spend your hard-earned cash, but do it… make a statement… don’t be complacent… that’s what “they” count on. And… they WILL take notice. This is one vote that CANNOT be bought with political ads and lobbyists. It’s a new economy (with what seems to be very few rules), so start writing your own! 

David Todd is an accomplished writer & television producer, award winning visual merchandiser, and Indi Racing enthusiast. He resides in lovely Bay View, Wisconsin and is a regular contributor to OnMilwaukee.com

The Killer Bee Club: Bon Appetit!

Throughout my youth, every Saturday morning at 10:30 (immediately following This Old House) was Julia Child on PBS. While other children were watching Saturday morning cartoons, I was watching in awe as Julia made the perfect souffle, Beef Bourguinonne, and mayonnaise from scratch! She wielded that cleaver and her incredible sense of humor around that kitchen with authority and grace. She captured my imagination and made my taste buds curious for fare beyond that of my Mother's limited repertoire. There were no restaurants in Santa Maria that served food like Julia was preparing either, so if I was ever going try these magnificent and exotic sounding dishes, it would have to be of my own doing. Voila! A life long love affair with cooking and kitchen experimentation was born.

Though I've always been what people now coin a foodie, I didn't grow up having any particular culinary aspirations. Yet I did eventually have my own desert business which I called "The French Confection". The tag line? "Deserts that say oh la la!" And for a number of years I catered small cocktail parties. "Cocktails @ 6" was the name, noshes the game. In more recent years I've channeled my love for cooking and sharing into mostly stay at home affairs for my nearest and dearest. All of this good eating however, is the result of one lady's generosity and inspiration.

Julia Child was a master pollinator, and her honey a rare and delicious treat. I'm so grateful she shared it...Happy 100th Birthday Julia, Bon Appetit!

I'm catering a very special dinner party for 6 on Thursday night. This is my menu. I'm dedicating it to Julia.

The Smoking Section

Inhale pink, exhale blue.

Get Mummy's Purse: MOMENT TO SHINE

 by William Godwin

One moment in time… I've got this song going through my head as I stroll, sun blazing, towards my south circular vantage point for the Torch. It is so nice to finally see the sun, it really is. I walked in to work, worried that getting into the car park would be a nightmare, and that all the roads in the locale would be marshaled by burly outriders roughly blocking my passage and manhandling me at every turn, but unfortunately all was normal, and If I'd had a blue badge I could have even parked right outside the Town Hall if the fancy had taken me. But there were loads of people around, and the Torch route was satisfactorily lined with kiddies and old people alike, and they all seemed quite cheery even though it was far too early and they hadn't been given anything free yet. Quite a few of them had union jacks (or union flags as we now call them), and a couple had stuff with Lisa Simpson committing a sexual act on them.

So before you actually see the torch (and I'm not sure I did actually see the Torch mind, one photo came out black, and the other had a big head in the way) there's all sorts of tomfoolery. First of all there are a number of support vehicles. I'm not sure whether I'm allowed to use the word vehicle - I'll check with LOCOG. Some have got tea ladies in, some have got people with puncture repair kits in, then there's one with all the lovely torchbearers being bussed to their drop off points in the next borough - very much like the shopping service we run for old ladies. 

Then there's another one, not sure what that one was for although it says 'Your moment to shine' on the side of it which chimes in well with my humming. My moment to shine... well today it's all about my new tie  - gorgeous, certainly the smartest tie this side of Dulwich. Then there are sponsor lorries. Like pride, but with fewer homosexuals. All the 'extras' are doing their best to channel a carnival atmosphere by waving pom poms, swishing their hair playfully to over loud Heart FM stylee music, smiling stage school smiles, and someone, someone even said over a megaphone…. 'Lovin' the noise'.  Somebody shoot me - at least if it had been ITV I could have turned over. So there is a Samsung lorry, then a Coke Lorry and then a Lloyds Lorry, then there's another van carrying spare grey-shorted security people in case any of the running ones pop a vein. Then there are some more lollipop ladies, then a film crew, and then, then the shell suited flamer (and I've known a couple of them in my time) themselves. 

Apparently they were standing just near me for a couple of minutes lighting up, but I missed all that as I was busy enjoying the sunshine, the roar of the greasepaint and avoiding getting touched by anyone in the crowd.

And the low point? Well for me, apart from the strong urge to take my own life when the man shouted 'Lovin' the noise', it was probably not getting a free Frisbee.  

Although not wild about the outfit, I'm surprised I wasn't asked to be a torch bearer, and now that I know that you get to keep the torch, and you were allowed to nominate yourself, well, it seems like a lost opportunity if you ask me. And maybe if not a torch bearer then perhaps a volunteer. I said to my brother at the weekend, that's not his name, it's a calendar identifier, that we should have applied to be dream catchers, or dust makers or whatever they are, and then we could have had a lovely contrast trimmed trilby (could be a new euphemism) and a coordinating fleece with NEXT on the lapel. I really could have had my moment in time then, my moment to shine, new tie or no new tie?  

So up west it's all about union jacks and things on lamp posts - a lot of them let over from the jubilee I know, but the Queen doesn't mind and it's cheaper not to have to take them down betwixt events - much like my Christmas decorations. All sorts of artistic japes and hoots going on in the name of T'Lympics festival - painted phone boxes, people in hats, and lots of other things like that. Many of the dust catchers look a bit churchy and over keen though, which did put me off a bit. If you're going to be sharing a mini bus with someone from zone 3 you need to be able to rub along and like the same sort of sandwiches. But I suppose a free big Mac's, a free big Mac, whether or not the Lord's (Jesus not Coe) work is affected by your additional time commitments.  

I'm not sure these Games Lanes are going to work though, although I am very taken with the name, 'Games Lane' - perhaps my favourite bit of the programme so far. I was traversing adjacent to the Olympic Village yesterday evening, and behind a Hungary support BMW if the truth be told - just to check on things for you and wink at the armed police, and it's all games lanes this, games lanes that. And they swap over from the left to the right and back again, so staying in the correct lane could increase the chances of travel sickness for a young or an invalid if you ask me. You're allowed to use them until Wednesday, but I wasn't taking any chances as I didn’t want to get a ticket on a school night and the last time I swerved that much I closed the M40 for half an hour. But by George, I'm not going out in my car once it all starts. London roads are going to be a frigging nightmare. I'm tellin' you. Lovin' the noise? Maybe, Lovin' the traffic - not on your Nellie!  

So to conclude, I only have one remaining question and that is 'do the Athletes from London have to stay in the Olympics village or can they stay with their mum and just get the bus in for their races?' I think we should be told.

William Godwin is a local government liaison to the commonwealth, confirmed bachelor, and hand model. He resides in London, and is the publisher of Get Mummy's Purse.