I'm Still Swimming

Originally posted May 8th, 2010

The world spins. Babies are born, and people become parents everyday. Certainly some are more capable and prepared than others. In my mind, it's a responsibility so great, I can hardly fathom it. Yet between the two of them, my brother and sister managed to raise 9 bright, conscientious, big-hearted, and beautiful additions to the human race. Kudos guys, really. My Father used to say that children should come with instruction manuals. I can only imagine how helpful that would be, since every model is unique, and seemingly requires a different maintenance schedule. Real parenting is not for wussies!

Tomorrow is Mother's Day, so naturally my own mother is on my mind...

My mother was a real firecracker. She had a fiery temper and the patience of a gnat. Those close to her knew she was also tender at heart, and wounded easily. Towards the end of her life she agonized  more than a bit over having not been a perfect parent. I'm assuming that unless you're June Cleaver, this is a natural part of the maternal process. Whenever she would bring the subject up, I would remind her that we all turned out functional, if not fine. You see it was imperative to my folks that we not only be fed and clothed, but be kind and upright citizens. Those basic life-shaping principles seemed to be missing in many of the people I knew. I told her so.

Of course children don't just need adequate shelter and guidance, they need love. Lots of it.

I was 6 the day I learned how to swim. I'd been wading around in the shallow end for some time when Mom decided I needed to let go of the sides of the pool. Horizontal on water for the first time, she placed one hand on my belly, and her other on the small of my back. I was completely freaked out, and just knew I was going to drown. She said "Don't worry, I've got you." I craned my little head around to see her face, and I'll never forget that broad Cheshire smile, and look of love in her eyes as she repeated herself- "Don't worry, I've got you." She had my back, literally. Knowing that someone has your back when you venture into the scary and unknown can make a world of difference. My body relaxed, and I learned how to swim.

That's my favorite memory of her, and perhaps my finest, ever.

Whenever I feel discouraged I try review the criteria she set for my "success". I'm a good person. Check. I try always to treat others as I wish to be treated. Check. I love big and unconditionally. Check. And I'm still swimming Mom, so you needn't worry.

You did good Junie, you did good.
I'm so very grateful for our time together.
Love always, Mockie