Shine It On!

via Richard Laeton

People Pleasing

Some of us betray ourselves by the need to seek approval from others. We don’t feel worthy of love on our own merits, so we morph ourselves – our precious lives – to conform to others’ expectations instead. We find ourselves in jobs and relationships that are a clear mismatch out of our need to be accepted. We abandon our happiness to keep the peace.

Do you want your light to shine? Stand in your own truth. Fess up to what you want, and risk the disapproval of those around you. Keep it simple, and stay close to what fires you up. You may not please everyone, but you can’t imagine how the possibilities for your life will open up once you decide to align yourself with the truth.
 

Victim Mentality

If we blame others for our problems, we are denying ourselves the clarity and groundedness that are rightfully ours. While we are stuck in a grudge or waiting for others to change, we passively let the moments of our lives tick away. “Poor me” just doesn’t cut it if we want to shine.

Instead of torturing yourself with endless stories of what should or shouldn’t have happened, use your most precious resource, your attention, to explore those places inside yourself that you have been avoiding. Be supremely kind as you open to painful feelings. Make the decision to take responsibility for your well being. Do this work no matter what it takes, and you will be surprised at how much positive energy is revealed as the mask of victimhood falls away.
 

Self-Criticism

Maybe you have convinced yourself that you are not good enough. Whatever form self-judgment takes, it keeps us boxed in and limited. Every time our inner light tries to glow, our minds react like a sledgehammer, with harsh thoughts that inhibit us from moving forward. How can we possibly express ourselves fully when we are shot down every step of the way by our own minds?

The inner critic is a jumble of thoughts that are propelled by fear. Learn to identify the fear, then look beneath it to discover your natural resilience, every time. Find the courage to let your whole self shine.
 

Neediness

Some of us live in a state of lack. We think we need what we don’t have – a relationship, a quality, a life circumstance – and we spend our time looking outward for fulfillment. This is an “if only” life, and it ignores the treasures that are already here.

Take an honest look at this very moment. If you stop buying into stories that run in your mind, is there anything missing? The universe is so abundant, giving us exactly what we need. When we realize the peace that comes from wanting what we are given, we surrender our ideas of lack, making space for our natural selves to shine.

When we recognize how we hold ourselves back, we have stepped onto the path that takes us back to ourselves. No matter how you feel in this moment, your inner light is shining. Pull away the veils, and let your whole self light up the world.

Hailing from Long Beach, New York, Richard (Richie) Laeton is a freelance photographer, illustrator, and graphic arteest. Currently residing in sunny Mill Valley, CA,  he's a practitioner of Siddha Yoga, and contributes his remarkable preservation and sex-appeal to a raw diet and the occasional glass of fermented grape. You can catch more of his artistic wonderment by visiting Richard Laeton Fine Art, or follow him on Facebook. He posts the best stuff.   

Where Are YOU From?

by Cherrie Hanson

ANTA MIN AYNA?
WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

What prompts us to ask this question? An accent? Unusual features? A manner of dress?
Maybe we ask because we hope to have things in common…it’s a small world after all.

Personal biographies are of great interest to me, but I don’t always ask. Why?
What is the dark side of the question, “Where are you from?” The possible humiliation of not recognizing subtle features of larger groups such as the Hispanics, Pacific Islanders, and South Asians can intimidate us into silence. Or worse, innocent inquiry might cause the “stranger” to feel judged or unwelcome. I once asked a gorgeous man where he was from – I needed to know exactly where his kind of beauty came from. His response was, “I am Palestinian, not Pakistani.” Obviously, he’d been judged and misjudged before.

Another man, one of my dearest friends, initially claimed he was an Italian Jew named Zachariah. The first time we went out to eat, the restaurant was full of people he knew. The language was Arabic, the clothing was Middle Eastern. Hmm…probably not Jewish? His fib was embarrassing and funny, but it pointed to his need to hide who he was. Afraid I would see him in a bad way, fear conditioned him to avoid the truth thus avoiding the pain of rejection. If you have ever witnessed the cruelty of prejudice, multiply that by a few times every day, and you would know the agony of its victims, although you wouldn’t have to overcome its crushing spirit. Maybe you have already experienced being a “stranger in a strange land” then you know what I'm talking about.

Our trusting connection eventually allowed me to ask, “What’s the deal with Middle Eastern men collecting wives?” and if that’s true, “How many wives do you have or intend to have?” He told me, “The Koran does allow a man to marry up to four women, but this option can be vetoed by the current wife.” There has to be a good reason to add another mate to the mix, for example, a woman who is better at cooking, child-bearing, or has some benefit to add to the family. If there are multiple wives, the Koran also states each wife must be treated equally at all levels. Zachariah insists that would be very difficult. Currently, multiple-wife-setups are infrequent and rare. Who can afford children AND wives these days? He knows two men, about 70 years of age, with multiple spouses who are living in the old country, and fading into history….

In time, my extraordinary friend and I swapped personal philosophies and spiritual beliefs, discovering we were more alike than different. We compared our holidays, gift giving rituals, and relatives - same bullshit. He had Mohammed and The Koran, and I grew up with Jesus and The Bible. We lost our fathers to cancer. We loved sharing food with good friends. We agreed the perfect cure for most anything was a hug from someone who cares. My friendship with "Zachariah", a Muslim from Palestine, is a joyous, fulfilling, educational gift I gave myself when I embraced the opportunity to have friends of any race, creed or culture.

Ma’a as-salaama!

Cherrie Hanson eats books for breakfast and snacks on documentaries.

She's a photographer and filmmaker. A gifted cosmetologist and guru of healthy lifestyle to many. But perhaps the grandest plume in her feathery chapeau is that of Guardian of The Spheres of Light. If you haven't seen them for yourself, Cherrie's luminous globes are not to be missed!

The Original D.I.Y.

by Cassandra McShepard

When I was younger I went through a period where I didn't want anything home-made, even though my mother was a professional seamstress and was capable of constructing anything, and I do mean anything. I wanted to dress like my friends, so I didn't want to wear anything that didn't come from the store. Now, being the loving mother that she is, she indulged this foolish whim with one shopping trip which resulted in a pair of too short jeans from the Wooden Nickel, and an ill-fitting top from Gimbles-Shuster’s bargain basement...

You see I've been 5’9” since I was twelve, and back then store-bought clothing wouldn't accommodate my long frame. My mother knew this of course, but she wanted me to learn it for myself. The next time I went back to my mother to ask her to make an outfit for a class field trip, (which I’d often done and she would sometimes sew through the night to accommodate my last minute request) it resulted in a sewing machine and loving “Do It Yourself.”

Man, had I offended her? Who knew mothers had feelings? 

Well I learned that they did, but that wasn't all that I learned. I really did learn how to do it myself. Now of course my mother helped me. She would show me how to trim a pattern, how to measure it and make allowances where needed to ensure that it would fit my then size 10 hips (and size 6 waist), as well as how to lengthen it so as to be long enough. Because she sewed for people she always had fabric and she would let me pick from some of her 'choice pieces' (this was a phrase of hers).

Of course I always wanted to rush through it, but she would check my seams and make me do it right, saying “It should look as good on the inside as it does on the outside. You should be able to wear it inside-out”. Which I thought was incredibly silly. Who would wear a dress inside-out? Like so many other jewels my mother gave me, this too became invaluable. As I went on to design for entertainers exacting a high price, and saw many a seam checked.

D.I.Y. 

My mother could have coined that phrase, for it was what she believed in. She taught me to be independent. Independent of the hair salon, the nail salons, the clothing salons. Her mantra, “Learn to do with excellence anything that you would pay to have done”. Well I took her advice, and I am now the ultimate Do It Yourselfer. As a matter of fact I do it for others too. All the time. Because of the wings my mother gave me, I have earned income as a Clothing & Jewelry Designer for such artists as the late Phyllis Hyman, Nancy Wilson, Abby Lincoln, The Manhattans, Frankie Beverly & Maze…I worked as a stylist doing hair & make-up for a nationally published magazine. I am very capable of doing my own nails. Yes, the left hand is done as well as the right. I build furniture and make window treatments. I am a personal trainer, motivational speaker, television talk show host, and on occasion, professional songstress.

But am I special? Nope, not in the least. I’m just free, free to do it myself. You see at an age when I was still listening, I was told that I could-  and just in case you're still listening, so can you! You too can D.I.Y.

Because I promise you, this is what I know so far;

Something happened. We have advanced ourselves into dependency. Why learn to do it, just pay to have it done? We have become so reliant upon others! Instead of encouraging our children to learn simple skills we have crippled them. Where we used to have to be D.I.Y’ers, we have now become the ultimate consumers. Sadder still, many of us seek our worthiness in the amount of that which we are able to consume.

Because I am a D.I.Y’er, I work very hard. My jobs though are not drudgery, I enjoy the work I do! I have turned all of my passions in to dollars... and all because I was told to D.I.Y.

So I’ll give to you the same gift my mother gave to me.

You will never know what you are capable of doing until you at least try to D.I.Y! Whatever you choose, pick something thing that you are paying someone else to do for you and just try it. Let me know how it works out! cmcshepard@yahoo.com

Cassandra McShepard has more hyphenates than Chins in a Chinese phone book. She's currently enduring Wisconsin Winters so that she can co-host the incredibly popular morning television talk show, Real Milwaukee. You can catch more of her on Cassandra McShepard Television.

A Year Ago Yoday: Tumor Removal & A Lot Of Tea To Follow

by Teamgloria

oh darlings.
has it been a whole YEAR?
since we had our throat slit and tobias-and-his-sisters were removed?
gosh.

We recall the 4am wake-up call and standing outside in the dark shivering from fear and seeing the cheery presence of Cheltenham-Lady walking down the street as if she had just gone to the second-hand bookshop in Norfolk and found a delicious first edition and wanted to show us – she was brilliant – we tried to talk in the Taxi and stay bright and not fall apart and she kept us going – right to the bit at the hospital when they were going to check us in and we’d not known about American things like having-someone-as-an-emergency contact (we have one now) or someone who could make decisions should something awful happen (um, still working on that one) so that was all a bit scary.

The robe was nice – sort of lavender with Very Clever sensors and electrical circuits clipped to our vital organs and a heat pad to keep us warm while they Took Us Down (where exactly is that?).

William had sent us a 1970s Ladybird (yes, that English children’s classic line) book to explain what might Happen.

It wasn’t Exactly like that (the scrubs were blue as we recall, and the operating Theater – love that they call it that – was a Very High Tech “space” full of flashing lights and whirring noises and Many People) but it did help to be a bit prepared. Actually, to be Completely Honest for a second, nothing could have prepared us...and maybe that’s for the Best. Here is our hospital bed that we lay in for a day or so.

 

Usually we make-the-bed but we didn’t have the strength and besides – if you can picture this – it was right before we got Discharged (and had to have a Strong conversation with the Very Young resident – in mime and pencil-on-paper – because we could not speak due to the operation which got Awfully Close to our vocal chords and the Very Tight bandages around our neck) and we were standing holding the tubes still linking us to the drip (on a Not Attractive silver wheel-y pedestal) holding our (forbidden) smartphone device to take a picture.

oh!

We almost forgot we had this one – yes, these are the pumps on the legs that keep one’s blood flowing during HOURS of lying and the oxygen tube stuck up one’s nostrils (not nice) and the drip (saline by this point we believe as our brain had come back nicely – or not-so-nicely – more Dear gods What Just Happened??) in our arm.

Why thank you – yes – that was a nice light tan on the left knee (not just on the left knee, but obviously that’s all that’s showing here) – we’d just been in L.A – Quite Freaked out the week or so before. MC came the next day to visit with a lukewarm milky beverage and a copy of the FT Weekend (we weren’t working, promise, we just like the magazine and the lunch-with-column and the interview with writers about why-they-write).

Then Bf came to get us in his Car (we were very grateful and gosh Manhattan was a shock after the relative solitude of a hospital room) and stayed and made us laugh inside our OUCH bandages, and brought his dog who comforted us with her Huge Eyes. Sob.

and then what happened….?
Well – we stayed at home for almost a month.



Lovely people who lived not-too-far-away came to visit.



So Many Lovely people sent flowers.



...and we spent Many Hours lying on the sofa looking at them...



Listening to Lots of mix-tapes that delicious people sent to us – for every mood and hour and feeling (dear gods, there were Lots of Feelings during this medical leave).



And Many splendid people sent books and parcels and we started to unwind our poor stressed head for the first time in what felt like a decade.



We spent HOURS in bed – sleeplessness being a Distinct Feature of medical leave #sigh. Thank goodness for excellent cotton sheets, silk dressing gowns and Pots of Tea on a Tray.



We had never spent so much time in the bathroom (nausea – we won’t go into this in any detail whatsoever but it was horrid) and here we are – a year on – with a scar on the neck.

We were Most Grateful to T who peered at it and said (in her sparkly Fashion/British voice) "I rather like it."
The pearls help.

"There are a lot of glorious people, places & things that help me get through my day – they make my life great – and so I call them “team gloria” (although they don’t usually know that). So I thought I’d start documenting them, and looking out for new people, places & things on a daily basis, and sharing them with you (whomever you are – do say hello). Oh, and tell me who your team Gloria is. :) " 

She's a writer, photographer, and jet-setting fashionista- who understands the importance of a shimmering chandelier and a good cup of tea. You can get to know her (and see more of her gorgeous photos) by visiting Teamgloria in Manhattan. Yes darlings, that Manhattan. -Ed.

The Wind & The Sun

By Ayesha Yousafi

I read this article from Al Jazeera: "Europe's Failure To Integrate Muslims" a few weeks back and found it really interesting.

My first thoughts after reading it were 'Thank God I'm British'- not because Britain's the home of peace and love and is a magical land where racism/stigmatisation/ignorance is non-existent (the BNP and EDL can vouch for that), but Britain is tolerant, for the most part anyway...

This article essentially talks about France's passing of the Assemblee Nationale bill, which is basically about reducing Islam's visibility within ethnic minorities across Europe, e.g. the anti-bruqa law passed in the Netherlands, headscarf restrictions in France and the German supreme court banning Muslim prayer in public schools.

I think one of the problems preventing Muslims from integrating into society is everyone's fear of  talking about things like the burqa, hijab, halal, haraam etc. and there's a lot of misconceptions, misunderstandings and misrepresentations about Islam and it's beliefs.

So, I thought I would try and clarify and explain a few things about Islamic teachings and practicings, cuz I read a lot of weird and crazy stories about supposed Muslim teachings and blah blah.

So first things first, let’s address this issue of Jihad, terrorism and Islamic extremists. 

OK, so Jihad basically means 'struggle' in Arabic.  Jihad can be subcategorised into the terms 'Greater Jihad' and 'Lesser Jihad'.  Greater Jihad refers to a persons everyday, internal struggle against temptations that may prevent a person practicing their faith as they should (like the devil whispering naughty, tempting things into your ear like 'eat that bucket of KFC.....it doesn't matter if it's not halal etc.).  Lesser Jihad refers to a Holy War, or a struggle where Islam is being defended.

Now if you hear practicing Muslims talking about jihad, they will be referring to 'greater jihad', but most of the western media use the term jihad in reference to something about bombings and what not.  Most Muslims will slap the palm of their hand in their face when hearing how the term Jihad is used, or mis-used, most of the time.  

So that's the distinction between the two Jihad's.

Now a lot of terrorists throw the word Jihad about to justify their actions and the stupid things they do.

Firstly, there's something you must know.  These so called 'Muslims' who go around bombing buildings full of innocent people and buses/cars/whatever else is bomb-able, are like the Hillbillies of the Muslim world (sorry Hillbillies, but references about you in American TV has led me to believe you are an embarrassing and weird bunch of peeps).  Don't let these stupid people tarnish your view on the rest of us REAL Muslims with enough sense to practice our faith correctly:

"On that account: We ordained for the Children of Israel that if any one slew a person it would be as if he slew the whole people: and if any one saved a life, it would be as if he saved the life of the whole people. Then although there came to them Our apostles with clear signs, yet, even after that, many of them continued to commit excesses in the land.  (The Noble Quran, 5:32)"

I could go on about this all day, but hopefully you'll get the message from that!

Then there's this big deal about burqa banning and hijab prohibitions in certain public places in countries like France, Denmark and the Netherlands etc.  

Now I think there's a tremendous irony in this ban, but before I talk about that, let me just define the difference between the different veils:

 In Islam, it's compulsory for a woman to wear a headscarf or Hijab.  Hijab's must be worn in front of men you are not related to, so basically, anyone who you can marry, so it does not have to be worn in front of the men of your family.

To explain it simply, the purpose of a Hijab is to stop ladies being checked out by guys! I could've worded it better by saying it's designed to protect a girls modesty, but basically, that's the reason, and only so that a woman will be judged on her personality, abilities and knowledge, as opposed to having physical appearance influence someone’s judgment of you.

(and when I say judge, I don't mean it like they have the right to tell you how and how not to live your life, but their opinions on you.  To quote one Tupac Shakur-'Only God can judge me')

I'm very aware at how cliche this sounds, but the idea of hijab is to tone down your outer beauty so your inner beauty can shine!

Sorry, cheesiness over now. 

So Hijab is compulsory, but niqaab and burka is not obligatory for Muslim women to wear, that's optional.  Now I wear a hijab, but I don't, and don't think I ever will wear a niqaab or burka, simply because I don't think it's necessary.  And it would be a crime against humanity to hide this beautiful face *bat's eyelids*. But, saying that, I've got no problems if a lady wants to wear a niqaab or burka.  A person should have the freedom to express themselves however they wish.

But, the fun-loving Taliban and other extremist leaders force ladies in areas in Afghanistan and Iraq (maybe Iran? not sure) to wear niqaabs and burkas.  A woman is publicly punished and humiliated if she doesn't conform to this ignorant ruling.  You cannot force someone to wear or do something against their will.  It's a oppression.

Oppression is also denying a woman of her freedom by banning her from wearing a niqaab or burka if she wants to wear one, and stop a woman from wearing a hijab in certain places, despite someone labeling it as liberation.

One thing I wonder about the Hijab ban in some bits of France is whether Sarkozy has done this just for Muslim women, or whether this ban extends to Christian Nuns as well, who essentially cover the same parts of their body as Muslim women who wear Hijabs!

Now hijab is, and always will be a controversial topic when talking about Muslim integration in western society.  I wear a Hijab, and I feel like I integrate into society just fine! I have friends that  belong to a variety of religions, or belong to no religion at all! And friends whose personal beliefs completely contrast with mine, but who gives a shit?  Will the fact that I wear a headscarf change your opinion of me and my blogs?

Black, White, Muslim, Jew, Christian, Atheist, Gay, Straight....we all bleed the same blood, we all breathe the same air, why can't we all just be tolerant of each others beliefs and agree to disagree!?

What kind of a world would it be if we all believed the same thing?  Would maybe be a bit more peaceful, but then again maybe not?

The article I mentioned above talks about an old fable by Aesop called 'The wind and the sun'.  It's basically about a man who is wearing a jacket, and how the harder the wind blew, the closer the man held on to his jacket- the harsher laws are in singling  out a specific group of people, the more closely and tightly they will hold on to their traditions and see you in a hostile light.  It was only when the sun with its warm rays increased the temperature created discomfit in the man, and he removed his coat- If a less hostile approach is taken, people will be more willing to accept and join in with what you are saying

Peace and Love, Ayesha

Ayesha Yousafi is a modern girl, living in a modern world. She recently completed her Bachelor's Degree of Science from Leeds University and resides in the UK with her family. She is also the publisher of the often humorous and always informative  Meow Meow.

Power To The People

 "Voting at the Polls Isn’t Enough Anymore"
By David Todd

In this day and age, I cannot imagine the reasons people have for NOT voting in local and national elections (except for voting for President, maybe). Really? The most popular excuse I hear is that “I don’t follow politics and I wouldn’t know who anyone was or anything about them.” Allow me to help on this one…

Google: Voters Guide [insert your zip code here] or just Milwaukee. OK that one’s easy enough. Where to vote? League of Women’s Voters; Google them, too, and give them a call. They’re wonderfully helpful and tireless protectors of our freedoms. But, I digress.

As I say, it is NOT enough to vote only at the polls anymore – and THAT I already expect of you. Now, you need to start voting with your wallet. And you have to be a little vocal about it. (You know how badly you just wanted to break up with that one hair dresser and just tell them what for? But, you just kinda stopped calling? That won’t due, here.) No, you have to be obvious. You have to be honest (brutally honest) because you are teaching a lesson – the lesson: “I DO NOT vote for you… nor does my money, thank you.”

It has been one of my greatest joys, taking my business and money elsewhere, but it does take some work. How do you do it? Well, I will tell you how I did it… and why.

First, you need to know I was a victim/participant in “the crash.” I lost a small investment property to foreclosure after pro-actively calling my mortgage company six months before I knew I would have trouble paying the monthly payment to work on a loan modification. “Oh, thank you, Mr. Todd! Very responsible of you, Mr. Todd.” I bought it. They weren’t a bank. They weren’t a credit union. They were a debt collector who bought my loan and had no vested interest in helping me out of my situation. Fourteen months later, after reams of paperwork faxed back and forth, I called a lawyer and said, “make them go away.” It was the hardest thing I had ever done. I had never defaulted on a loan, didn’t want to start, but didn’t know where to turn. I cried, and then I got to the real work. That first step was the hardest.

After I turned my home over to a lawyer, I turned my credit cards over to a credit negotiator. I cannot say it was a positive experience, but I can tell you, I paid less than if I had not sought help, closed the accounts and took the credit hit. (Taking the credit hit is really hard for the “do-better-than-your-parents” generation. They saved money. We borrowed. Not me. Not anymore. No one will give me decent credit for seven years, which I am happy about.) Again, I digress. I told Capital One, Wells Fargo, Bank of America – “see ya!” It might be important to note, I kept current on all my monthly payments on all my accounts until I turned them over to professionals, so my car loan (BMW Financial) and main home loan (Guardian Credit Union) had been maintained and in good status; the only two creditors I have now. My next step is to move my car loan, to my credit union, and then pay it off!

Now, who else was taking advantage of my business, and taking advantage of consumers in general? Or, to take more personal ownership of the situation, to whom had I not paid attention to while “they” made money off of me? I still had a Chase checking account. I had great local customer service, as I had with Wells Fargo. But, I was either going to put up, or shut up. I closed checking accounts Chase and Wells), after speaking with the manager and explaining while I was pleased with my local services, I can’t support the corporate greed, bonuses, and lack of loaning money to the people who need it most (and at a reasonable rate). They understood. But, you MUST be vocal… if you just close your account they won’t know why. 

THIS IS YOUR VOTE AGAINST CORPORATE GREED.

Now, who else? AT&T and Time Warner were next. Both had services that were necessary to my work as a freelance writer and producer, so I just couldn’t NOT have service. But, I called both; explained I had been a long-time customer, and I didn’t feel like anyone should lose a customer without a chance to make it right. Both companies lowered my bills (they said to the best of their abilities, but I don’t know). I still feel I’m paying too much and by the time you read this, I will probably have dumped AT&T for Virgin Mobile wireless smartphone and mobile hotspot $50. I’ll save at least $25 a month.

I don’t shop at Walmart, I opt for locally-owned businesses (Ace Hardware or Menards, Sendik’s, Pick N Save, Outpost, Groppi’s just to name a few). That’s in investment in my local community and, ultimately, in my future. I also use an app published by the Human Rights Campaign that monitors larger retailers for their ethics (I linked the definition of ethics just in case you are unfamiliar – they are lacking these days). And, I don’t buy gas from BP.

VOTE! It takes extra work to plan where and with whom you spend your hard-earned cash, but do it… make a statement… don’t be complacent… that’s what “they” count on. And… they WILL take notice. This is one vote that CANNOT be bought with political ads and lobbyists. It’s a new economy (with what seems to be very few rules), so start writing your own! 

David Todd is an accomplished writer & television producer, award winning visual merchandiser, and Indi Racing enthusiast. He resides in lovely Bay View, Wisconsin and is a regular contributor to OnMilwaukee.com

Get Mummy's Purse: MOMENT TO SHINE

 by William Godwin

One moment in time… I've got this song going through my head as I stroll, sun blazing, towards my south circular vantage point for the Torch. It is so nice to finally see the sun, it really is. I walked in to work, worried that getting into the car park would be a nightmare, and that all the roads in the locale would be marshaled by burly outriders roughly blocking my passage and manhandling me at every turn, but unfortunately all was normal, and If I'd had a blue badge I could have even parked right outside the Town Hall if the fancy had taken me. But there were loads of people around, and the Torch route was satisfactorily lined with kiddies and old people alike, and they all seemed quite cheery even though it was far too early and they hadn't been given anything free yet. Quite a few of them had union jacks (or union flags as we now call them), and a couple had stuff with Lisa Simpson committing a sexual act on them.

So before you actually see the torch (and I'm not sure I did actually see the Torch mind, one photo came out black, and the other had a big head in the way) there's all sorts of tomfoolery. First of all there are a number of support vehicles. I'm not sure whether I'm allowed to use the word vehicle - I'll check with LOCOG. Some have got tea ladies in, some have got people with puncture repair kits in, then there's one with all the lovely torchbearers being bussed to their drop off points in the next borough - very much like the shopping service we run for old ladies. 

Then there's another one, not sure what that one was for although it says 'Your moment to shine' on the side of it which chimes in well with my humming. My moment to shine... well today it's all about my new tie  - gorgeous, certainly the smartest tie this side of Dulwich. Then there are sponsor lorries. Like pride, but with fewer homosexuals. All the 'extras' are doing their best to channel a carnival atmosphere by waving pom poms, swishing their hair playfully to over loud Heart FM stylee music, smiling stage school smiles, and someone, someone even said over a megaphone…. 'Lovin' the noise'.  Somebody shoot me - at least if it had been ITV I could have turned over. So there is a Samsung lorry, then a Coke Lorry and then a Lloyds Lorry, then there's another van carrying spare grey-shorted security people in case any of the running ones pop a vein. Then there are some more lollipop ladies, then a film crew, and then, then the shell suited flamer (and I've known a couple of them in my time) themselves. 

Apparently they were standing just near me for a couple of minutes lighting up, but I missed all that as I was busy enjoying the sunshine, the roar of the greasepaint and avoiding getting touched by anyone in the crowd.

And the low point? Well for me, apart from the strong urge to take my own life when the man shouted 'Lovin' the noise', it was probably not getting a free Frisbee.  

Although not wild about the outfit, I'm surprised I wasn't asked to be a torch bearer, and now that I know that you get to keep the torch, and you were allowed to nominate yourself, well, it seems like a lost opportunity if you ask me. And maybe if not a torch bearer then perhaps a volunteer. I said to my brother at the weekend, that's not his name, it's a calendar identifier, that we should have applied to be dream catchers, or dust makers or whatever they are, and then we could have had a lovely contrast trimmed trilby (could be a new euphemism) and a coordinating fleece with NEXT on the lapel. I really could have had my moment in time then, my moment to shine, new tie or no new tie?  

So up west it's all about union jacks and things on lamp posts - a lot of them let over from the jubilee I know, but the Queen doesn't mind and it's cheaper not to have to take them down betwixt events - much like my Christmas decorations. All sorts of artistic japes and hoots going on in the name of T'Lympics festival - painted phone boxes, people in hats, and lots of other things like that. Many of the dust catchers look a bit churchy and over keen though, which did put me off a bit. If you're going to be sharing a mini bus with someone from zone 3 you need to be able to rub along and like the same sort of sandwiches. But I suppose a free big Mac's, a free big Mac, whether or not the Lord's (Jesus not Coe) work is affected by your additional time commitments.  

I'm not sure these Games Lanes are going to work though, although I am very taken with the name, 'Games Lane' - perhaps my favourite bit of the programme so far. I was traversing adjacent to the Olympic Village yesterday evening, and behind a Hungary support BMW if the truth be told - just to check on things for you and wink at the armed police, and it's all games lanes this, games lanes that. And they swap over from the left to the right and back again, so staying in the correct lane could increase the chances of travel sickness for a young or an invalid if you ask me. You're allowed to use them until Wednesday, but I wasn't taking any chances as I didn’t want to get a ticket on a school night and the last time I swerved that much I closed the M40 for half an hour. But by George, I'm not going out in my car once it all starts. London roads are going to be a frigging nightmare. I'm tellin' you. Lovin' the noise? Maybe, Lovin' the traffic - not on your Nellie!  

So to conclude, I only have one remaining question and that is 'do the Athletes from London have to stay in the Olympics village or can they stay with their mum and just get the bus in for their races?' I think we should be told.

William Godwin is a local government liaison to the commonwealth, confirmed bachelor, and hand model. He resides in London, and is the publisher of Get Mummy's Purse.