"Become the man you want to meet."
I'm no longer sure whether I heard this, or read it somewhere, but it's been clinging to my consciousness like a wet t-shirt. I guess like anything worth pondering, I'm just glad it stuck, and it's reminding me of some places in my life where I might be stuck...
First let me broaden the parameters here, because this is a universal concept for any person who is "singular". While I contend that I'm perfectly good on my own, I'd be perpetrating a great big lie if I told you I'm happier this way. See, I'm a "plural" kind of guy. I'm good in relationships. I enjoy the dynamics of them, and tend to thrive. But if I want to get down and dirty honest with you, with myself right now, I'm not sure I'd date me. I've been looking in the mirror.
No, this isn't about the encroaching crows feet, or my nagging follicular challenges. That's all on the surface, and it goes deeper than that. If the universe is truly reflective[and I believe that it is], and I'm putting out the mandate that I want to meet a man who shares the same ideals as me, then WHY AREN'T I MEETING HIM? Perhaps I haven't been looking at myself truthfully.
Let me give you a couple of examples...
Do I want to meet a man who finds my inner beauty more intoxicating than the circumference of my biceps? Well of course I do. But know this about me. I size-up just about every man I meet based on an attractiveness ratio, objectifying them before I even know them. Hey, I'm just keeping it real. As human beings I think that the primal-ness of physical attraction is not only innate, but necessary. However I have to wonder. If I look at each man I encounter as a potential sexual object FIRST, then how can I ever expect the kind of respect and acceptance for my own appearance and body, that I desire from someone else? Hmmm.
Smart is good, in fact cerebral is sexy as hell. However more than anything I'd like to meet someone who takes care of themselves physically, and spiritually as well. Physically because I want him to be healthy, NOT because I expect him to look like a gym bunny. And yet I haven't been to the gym myself in a year and a half! Spiritually, because the journey of discovery I'm on happens to be one of the most beautiful and exciting things in my life right now. How could I not want to be with someone who understands that journey, and embraces it with me? And yet where have I been looking for this healthy and spiritual man? On a barstool. For the last 20 years. I seriously doubt I'm going to find him there, especially if I'm sitting on one too.
The reflection I've been looking at since I met the phrase "Become the man you want to meet" is still that of a person I happen to like and love. I'm being a little tougher on him lately, but I think ultimately he'll appreciate me more for it. And who knows? Maybe the one I've been looking for is working on himself too, so that we'll both be ready when he meets me. In the meantime, I intend to get know this character in the mirror a little better, and hopefully in the process I'll figure out a little bit more about the both of us. And improve.