The subject matter of 9 TO 40 was to be about something completely different. I had intended to write about how my increasing inability to remain focused was effecting every area of my life, mostly because I've spread myself so thin. Truthfully, this is something that I have always done. Just ask anyone who knows me. I've been over-extended since 1987. It was allot easier to juggle 3 jobs, a dozen projects, and a boyfriend when I was 25- because I was 15 years younger! I even had time for a social life... why it was a kind of stamina to behold! Contemplating how to frame the piece out, I had an epiphany.
It is reasonable to say that part of the maturation process is to understand what our limitations are. I don't mean limitations in the sense of personal possibility, I mean that you realistically can't be in 3 places at once. When we pile more on our plate than we can handle, someone is bound to be disappointed in us...and it's more often than not ourselves.
Crap. I've already lost my focus, back to the epiphany.
The premise of 16 TO 40 has been take on 16 things about myself / mylife [over the 16 months leading up to my 40th birthday], that I want to change or improve on. However the more of them I write / film, the more they're starting to sound like "Quick, You're Almost 40, Grow Up!". Kinda like Guerrilla Maturation for Weekend Warriors. Though it might be easy to insert certain milestones and accomplishments into the timeline of an American life, it would seem that I've missed the mark on allot of them.
Does this make me a perennial loser? The lovable, but hapless ne'er-do-well? Or am I just doing my own thing on my own time, in my own way? I will add that as a creative person, I've never been more stimulated, inspired, or productive, but will also admit that I've had to let some of the conventional wisdom I possessed in my youth melt away in order to get here. And while here can be challenging, its also very, very soul-rewarding. Like I'm finally on my way to the place I'm supposed to be going...
Does this make me a perennial loser? The lovable, but hapless ne'er-do-well? Or am I just doing my own thing on my own time, in my own way? I will add that as a creative person, I've never been more stimulated, inspired, or productive, but will also admit that I've had to let some of the conventional wisdom I possessed in my youth melt away in order to get here. And while here can be challenging, its also very, very soul-rewarding. Like I'm finally on my way to the place I'm supposed to be going...
So maybe 9 TO 40 is about finding the balance between getting on with the process of maturing, and allowing myself to evolve at my own pace. I'm sorry. What was I talking about?
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